During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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