I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
