whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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