dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
