six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
