Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Too much gin, very little bucket
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
