Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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