Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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