if i can run in heels then i can drive
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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