watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
