Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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