Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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