Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
