dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
