I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
