Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
