p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize