so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
