mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
