my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
