This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
