i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
