haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
