Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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