i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
