miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
