sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
