erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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