is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
