i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
