News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
