I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
