We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He better not be in your backpack
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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