Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
