After last night, I could never be a politician.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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