i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
