there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
