he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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