We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
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It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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