ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
