Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
