You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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