I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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