my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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