So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
