dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
