I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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