I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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