that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
