she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
