i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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