I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
