just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
