I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
