OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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