she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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