Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
