Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
