There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
