he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
