She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
