Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
